bethpoole

im in switzerland with my best friend, and we're having the best time :) so many pervvvvvvy men here though, don't know what thats about? they have the best little shop, it's like a tea room, and me and mia love the style, and i think i'm going to RE-decorate the whole of my house  as soon as i get home :):):):):) and they have cool shoes over here, that i have never seen like before :) and although it's meant to be expensive, they were pretty cheap. we saw the best films, "taking woodstock" and "inglourious basterds" they are going on my favorite list :) everyone should watch them. the weather is killing us, we're not used to such heat, but it rained yesterday! so it's allllllllllllll good :) i woke up at 7 today and i am TIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRED. we have a parttyyy tonight, and we're staying in my aunties which is what we wanted from the beginning, bleh. shopping i hope, thats what i wanna do :) spent all my fucking money though. this is what parents are for :) AND CAN EVERYONE WATCH ZEITGIEST PLEASEEEE:) fanx.

while my heart is breaking, my tears keep falling...but there is always tomorrow - bethany poole. actually something i wrote myself, and something i am totally feeling right now. isn't a weird how one night can change everything? when you find out some sort of vital information that just triggers every emotion inside of you and suddenly, they're all alive. and thats whats happened to me. i dont know what it is, and i dont know how to put it into words, but all i can say, is i hope everything gets better from here. my whole life i've pretty much grown up without a real father figure, so when my step dad entered my life, i knew a whole lot of knew things were to be learnt. and they were, i learnt and i lived and i think i realised so many things, just from having an extra shoulder to lean on, and person to be there. i know that no matter what though, from a certain angle of my life, things won't change, however from the other point of view i dont think things will ever be the same. i know that whatever happens, that person, that i've learnt to care for, love, lean on and think of a father figure, will not be lost. but i feel somewhat, even the fact he wont be there, every second of every day, may make things a little different. who knows, only time can tell i guess. so when things like this happen and then you think back, to simular situations, you dont know where to look back to. all i know is i do right now. back to when it happened when i was 6 years old. again, with no dad, my mom introduced me to the man i learnt to love, care for and think of as a father figure, for many years i suppose, but i hardly remember that now. all i remember is moments. sweet little moments, memories that will never be lost. learning to ride a bike, christmas days, mood swings, visiting places. i think thats when i was really born, and when i really learnt. and then, for the past 5 years of my life now, i've been doing exactly what i was doing then. learning, about everything. about love, about life, about love of life, and most importantly about myself. i learnt who i was, who i want to be, what i want to do and where i want to go, and i think it's wonderful. truly wonderful that i know now, who i am in this life, as few people my age do these days. but it wouldn't be for those moments. those sweet little moments, memories that will never be lost. learning to ride a bike, christmas days, mood swings and visiting places. 'cause even though thats when i was born, i never stopped learning from that day forward and those days forward have made me who i am now. even the little things. i wouldn't change anything, and i will always say that. and so now, as i sit here and i think to myself "today, my heart hurts" i know that tomorrow is another day, and the next and the next...and a year from now, i might be writing another blog and thinking back to this very day thinking, that may have been the day my life could have changed. but i learnt from it, it's taught me, even more about myself and where i want to go, and so i wouldn't change this moment, no matter how much it hurts. no matter how many tears can be cried, screams can be screamed, or anything. i wouldn't change these moments for anything.

today has started off bad, and thats no good. i didnt go to sleep tonight, because i know that i am the worst for waking up in the morning, mornings to me is like 3 in the afternoon. so i didnt sleep and i did pilates at 6 in the morning. i had breakfast at 7 and tried to run a bath, but the water was cold, so that didn't work out. problem number 1. problem number 2? i stayed up all night because i didnt want to miss my hair appointment at ten.  turns out my hair appointment wasnt even booked for today it was for tuesday, but they can fit me in around 12.30. which makes it difficult for the rest of my day. im meant to be going to gay pride, which it the best day in brighton. ever. and now i think im going to miss it. i wasnt too sure if i was going to go anyway, because i've been feeling really sick, again and i think another movie day with lots of green tea and ryvitas is calling me. i'm really up for sushi tonight, but my step dad wants to take me for italian, so thats cool either way, havent been out for a meal in ages or spent time with my step dad so that should be nice :) so hair appointment @ 12.30 and then somehow, two hours after my hair is done, at 2.30 i need to explain to my friends, chelsie and aston, that i dont think i can make pride. urgh, i hate being a let down!!! so thats my day, hair and then resting. i hope my hair turns out ok anyway, even though getting rid of the red for any color right now would be acceptable. think i need to watch bettle juice today, and i wanna watch sid & nancy. i need'a go out and buy some more films. i need ideas??? ahhh at today, i hope the sun starts shining, i need a little sunshine!! :( <3

i must be cursed. or something, but seriously. its always me, im always ill. woke up feeling fine, the sun was shining too, i think its as soon as i was on the move, started pouring it down with rain. i think it's anxiety. went to the orthodontist about getting my braces done. he told me my case isn't serious enough to worry about and blah blah, even though they've been saying that for four years now. seemed to change his mind after his assistant did some xrays on me. apparently, im missed 6 teeth? how do you miss 6 teeth? they never came through, they never fell out and their not even IN my gums. well one is, but one is nothing. he said it was alright, strange but didn't affect anything. the only thing that might be an issue is the fact that im missing a disc from the right side of my jaw, which is why i am constantly getting jaw lock, i could live with jaw lock in the long run, but apparently its bad. he said he'd send me to a surgeon. i mean you have to be kidding me? 4 years of absoloultey crap service and then just all of a sudden i need surgery? i think not young man. i will absoloutley refuse. i've always been dead scared of dying under the knife (no pun intended) im too young for surgery and will certainly not be happening. his assistant had the right idea, told me it would be my decision if i had surgery or not, see, she knew it made sense. so i fell asleep, crying on the way home. just watched bettle juice and girl interrupted (for the second time today) feel like death, sore back, bad headache, stomach cramps. missed my daily jog, no good. must do some pilates instead, need to do something, meditation maybe, some yoga, or just a good ol' sisterly phone call will do the trick. i think i have too much free time?

sorry, been too busy and forgot to update. but yeah, the theme park was good. thanks to englands ever famous weather, i even got rained on. yippeee. it wasn't very nice. got on about two rides and then, it began to rain and i also started to feel sick. i dont know what that was about really. wasnt allowed to smoke there, so didnt have a clue what to do in the day, especially how ill i felt!! i had to get up, at 8 to be there and we didnt even leave until five, so the whole day was rain and sicky. i was so glad to get home and have tea, one sugar and pretzels!! had a day in the next day, because i felt the rain was enough to deal with for one day. stayed in and relaxed all day, i found it quite nice as i haven't been able to do that in a while. so now, im sitting here, too early and i dont know why im awake right now, i should be asleep and i feel sick now, im always feeling sick and i dont know why. i've come to the conclusion maybe i have something wrong with me. i dont know. had a good day yesterday, woke up too late, was meant to be in town to meet my friend olly for one, change of plan and i got there at 5 instead, we had to go straight for straight lunch! haha. went to YO! sushi. nicest sushi bar ever, and i dont think i've ever eaten so much, especially for someone on a diet. my mom said it was cool though, something about raw fish stimulating the brain? anyhow, we were there for about an hour and half, olly paid, the lovely being. promised to pay next time though. the bus journey home was intense, too long, an hour and a half on a bus and olly got a bit cranky, im used to it and i find it quite nice, i like having time to think to myself and listen to music, i dont know why im the only one who does that?? do you do that??? well, i had to look after my neice rhiannon, all night with olly, we watched the same film twice, which was the third time for me that day. i dont know why i do it to myself!! so now, having a cigarette, writing on here... and emailing my dad, man i wish he lived here!! good-day!!! <3

my mom, has put me on some crazy diet. it's the greatest thing since sliced bread. i've got so much to do over the next month, i've hardly got any time for my friends and until my mom started me on this diet, i've never been so down. but now i've never been so high, it's amazing what healthy eating, sleep and excersise can really do for you. its been working miracles. its too late for me to be up right now, actually. i should be asleep, but i was just so bored i made a buzznet, i wonder how much i'll use it? got to be up in 5 hours, promoting my moms work, its scary that wherever my mom works, shes been there for nearly 4 years and i still dont know what im doing tomorrow? should be fun anyway, involves a theme park, rides, coffee and salad, and thats really all i need to get through a day, i think.  lunch and shopping with my friend olly on wednesday, he's taking me shopping, says he needs to buy me a new webcam 'cause he cant see me when hes not with me. ha, we're gonna visit yo! sushi and do some damage there, my mom will have me doing tracks when i get home. dying my hair on saturday, died it last week it went some sort of red colour, sick of dying it now so in the process of getting it back to natureeel. blonde. shoppping with my mom on 5th and 6th, tan with my best friend on the 14th, nails with my sister or the 15th, holiday on the 19th, somewhere i gotta fit in another 7 hour hair appointment, glue in extensions included, a camping trip, dinner with my step dad, a shopping day with the best friend, a detox day and more. i dont know if theres another time? but they say if theres not enough hours in the day; make them. be needing a bit of magic. sleeeeeeeeeep time now, ill update tomorrow on the theme park and working day. thank you and goodnight.